INTEGRATION OF THE ELIMINATION STATION

Dear Dr. R.V. Stink (I mean Shrink):

I have an ongoing (no pun intended) problem with my husband. We live full time in a 28 ft. 5th wheel and have been traveling year-round since our retirement. We seem to function quite well in our small but comfortable space. The problem occurs every morning at about 7 a.m. My husband is not only very regular but consistent in his smelling up the whole rig. I have tried sprays and deodorants but nothing so far counteracts the barrage of stink he creates. I love to travel, and I love our lifestyle living in our Recreational Vehicle, but I dread every morning when nature calls my husband’s name. Any help you can spray my way would be greatly appreciated. 

--Down in the Dumps in Deming

Dear Down in the Dumps: 

Let’s turn the tables on the way you are feeling and turn this into a healthy activity not only for your husband but you also. First of all, your husband’s regularity is healthy and most likely because you have him eating a proper diet. Don’t fall to your temptation to change that diet and constipate the poor guy. Instead, turn your lemon scented air into lemonade. According to the newest data prepared by the U.S. Surgeon General the healthiest lifestyle includes not only low stress (RV Lifestyle) but the simple art of walking. Taking a short walk once a day will add, on average, seventeen years to a healthier life. If you were to schedule this activity at 7 a.m. every morning you would be killing two birds with one stone. About the time your husband is ready to flush, you will be flush, invigorated and greeting a beautiful sunrise. Traveling usually anchors you in beautiful places to walk and hike. Another suggestion, if walking isn’t your cup of tea, would be to tell your husband to take a hike. That’s right, send him to the campground comfort station. That will make him twice as healthy and get him moving even faster in the morning. Don’t expect him back too soon. That is where all the other women in the campground have sent their husbands. They get to lying to each other and you never know when their going to quit. Traveling usually means you are following mild weather. That should give you every opportunity to get out in the morning and fill your lungs with fresh air. Just for your husband’s safety you might want to consider turning off all pilot lights off when you leave. 

As an added note, you may want to check into Thetford Corporation’s newest RV toilet. High end motor coaches now come standard with a high tech BioFuel Flush System. It is a composting system that is also a waste regenerator. Accumulated waste is then blended into the diesel mixture through a series of baffled carburetors. They are proving to increase mileage by up to 3%, and eliminate (no pun intended) waste disposal. They are a great advancement in recreational vehicle design, but they create the same problem you have for those traveling behind them praying for a passing lane.

Good Luck.  --Dr. R.V. Shrink